I spent the end of last week and the extra-long weekend up at the farm. I really like those people, and I really love the farm, but this particular weekend was emotionally exhausting. Between livestock mishaps, personal misunderstandings and a really, really hot house (and the rain that drove us in there in the first place) I came home spent. But perhaps I'll talk about all that later. (I kind of want to get it all out, but I haven't really had the time to dedicate to writing about it yet, and as distance grows, it becomes less of a priority for me, and this journal really is all about me and my whims anyway.) This post is about what awaited me at home, anyway.
Dorian had been cleaning his basement, and brought by some boxes of stuff from the basement that he believed belonged to me. In one, an old shoe box of correspondence between long-distance friends and me when I was 16-17-18ish. Letters handwritten on paper and sent through the mail, mainly from B.C.
A couple from
Tex, who was at the time signing himself Texas of Idealia and spoke of buying land and building a commune in the wilds. A few from
Steve, who just vanished without warning that way himself, a few weeks after we had what I can only describe in retrospect as our first and only date; who made a brief reappearance around the time I was getting married, to vanish again soon after, and who made another brief reappearance in my life just a couple years ago. I still miss him dreadfully every now and then.
The first one made me cry as I read it to Nick.
( Monday 3 May, 1993 )The next letter broke my heart just a little more, but I couldn't stop reading them. I was a blubbering mass by the end.
I don't think I'll ever see him again. I don't think he still exists